Anime and life

While there is a lot I can talk about (like my trip to Techfest in Redmond, or work/school/etc) I’m watching anime and it’s put me in a melodramatic mood. I’m watching this new show called Clannad that I think was very well created. It’s very similar to Kanon or Air and keeps me embraced in a emotional cartwheel the whole time. I don’t suppose it should matter much, but I always find myself becoming attached to fiction easier than I do to real life. I’m really unsure why that is. This show is your basic shonen concept based off of a dating sim. Guy with lots of girls and he must make them all happy and overcome different challenges for each. It’s all really sappy, but I always fall prey to it. The real sad part is that I can’t even figure out my own problems. The problem exists, and so must a solution, eh? So why is it always so lost to me?

I bought a Laser Star Projector from thinkgeek the other day. It’s pretty cool to watch, even if the geometric shapes of the prism used to refract the light are blatantly obvious in the display. Despite this, it’s still another good escape to stop and watch it. Reminds me of going to the park when I was younger and just laying on my back watching the stars. I used to be able to name most of the constellations. Now I can only recall a few. Priorities were so much different, but I guess I was less equipped to face anything complex. Now I may be better able to handle the problems of adulthood, yet, I miss the freedom from worry and consequence that accompanied youth.

And now I am older. Some problems are the same and some have changed. My biggest problem, and perhaps the most enduring problem is who am I. It’s been a constant question I’ve asked myself through the years and I have many posts and papers written where I attempt to discover this for myself. It’s a common paradigm of mankind to question his existence and being, so I’ve heard, yet, it doesn’t alleviate the doubt and heartache. It also doesn’t solve any problems or answer any questions. How can I expect anyone else to understand me if I can’t even understand myself.?

So many questions and so few answers. Or perhaps… so many answers for a single question. Or, in the end, maybe there just isn’t an answer that satisfies my heart.

About Matthew Jones

Writer, Programmer, Astronomer, Dreamer, Wisher, Fighter. Always striving to be better than I was.
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