I couldn’t sleep so I came here to write a bit. Calm my thoughts and sooth my soul more or less.
Aubree’s been online lately…well… not really. Just after she gets back from playing with her friends which is normally after I am asleep. And even now, she’s online but she won’t talk to me. I think I might really be forgotten from her mind. She’ll remember me when she needs money or something, but as a friend, I’m no good anymore. Not anymore…
I was thinking about how just a year ago I knew I loved her more than anything. She was with Tyrell or Alex back then, and even then I prob wasn’t worth her time, but I knew I love her. And I remember two months ago… when I swore those vows to protect and love her forever… I swore them, and I meant to keep them. I didn’t know she did not. I remember the feelings I had. The thought that for once I knew the future. I knew my dreams had come true, and that I was going to be happy. I knew… I truly KNEW that I was going to enjoy life with the person I loved more than anything. But once more I guess I tried to dabble in the future, where nobody can see. I thought I knew my future, and it turned out hurting me just once more.
I hate nights like this. I almost want to just leave and wander the streets… walk the beach and just be alone. I had a good night until I sat down to do my homework… and realized I forgot my homework book in the classroom. And so I get online just to get a message from Tina telling me she bought a ticket to come down here. I mean, I guess that’s nice and all considering she’ll prob be the only friend I have for my birthday… she might be the only one who even remembered that it’s coming up even… *sigh* But still, that leaves me to worry about her, knowing she’ll be here without a place to stay or any real plans. I still don’t feel like we have too bright of a future together, and I’ve told this to her in no cloudy terms, but she still feels we were meant for each other and somehow I’ll see that. My caring nature doesn’t help because it’s against my power to just turn her away and ignore her. I can’t just say goodbye to a friend. I told her I would rather not have her come here since I would rather not worry about her, but it seems like it doesn’t matter. In the end, it’s all the same.
So, I’m back to the same old problem. I want to be with someone, just nobody’s able to be with me that I want to be with. Their either too far away, taken by someone else, or have something about them that I don’t want to deal with. There are two girls here I would love to date. Yea and Candy… they both smoke, which is a big turn-off for me… and there are other things against them… (Being in the military for one… makes for bad blood…)
Anyways… so tomorrow morn, I’ll prob be ripped for having no homework… and then I have to sit through another class where I only understand half of whats written and even less of whats said. Not even studying helping me much. *sigh* Well, I guess I should worry about other things then…
On the bright side (Since I am the eternal optimist) Sunday, I volunteered to help with the Corvette Race at the Laguna Seca raceway.
CORVETTE’S RACING HERITAGE SHINES
AT ROLEX MONTEREY HISTORIC AUTOMOBILE RACES
Oh the stories they could tell. From the stunning 1956 Corvette SR-2 with its identifiable rear wing headrest to the powerful 2001 Corvette C5-R, the marque’s storied history comes alive at the Rolex Monterey Historic Automobile Races. Presented by Chrysler-Jeep-Dodge at Mazda Raceway Laguna Seca Aug. 16 – 18, the Monterey Historics will honor the 50th anniversary of Corvette in powerful fashion. Click here for more info…
That will be fun… Not sure what I’ll be doing, but I will be on the track around lots of fast Corvettes. *smile* And a few of the girls here want to take me out to lunch on Saturday, so that might be fun.. Who knows… (Too bad none of them have a chance with me.. *sigh*) Oh well.
Anyways.. when Aubree left me, she took my entire life with her. She’ll prob never realize that, but oh well.
I’m just working as hard as I can to build myself a new one… perhaps I’ll do a better job this time.
- @ August 15, 2002 11:37 pm