The weekend didn’t exactly go as planned, but it was still nice. Nick, Daniel, Aubree and I went to Nick’s cabin to get it ready the night before the meteor shower. We spent the time playing games (life, scattergories, etc) and pretty much annoying each other. I haven’t had that much fun in a long time. Everyone arrived at the cabin around midnight, and the meteor shower was supposed to start at 2am. So we sat around and talked until the time came to go up and watch them. When we got to the water tower (nice place to just sit and watch the sky) we were disappointed due to the clouds in the sky. It wasn’t too bad when we were up there I guess. Aubree was having a nice time with Jeremy (so I left her alone basically) and aside, Tina and Amy seemed to want my company more than Aubree did anyways. I was basically used as a pillow while we watched the sky. We did see five or six really good shooting stars, but when there were supposed to be over 7000 in the two hours time…. yea…. but it doesn’t end there. We had to leave early because it started to snow on us. And it snowed hard. Hard enough to make us leave the cabin right then because we were worried that we would get snowed up there.
Anyways, we came down to the valley and went to my little brothers house for a bit to talk until we had to disperse. (Nick had to get to work and Amy got sick.. prob elevation or something..) Afterwards, I came home and slept.

Today was another one of those days where I wake up and just don’t want to actually, get up. Well, I finally do and just ended up sitting around the house. (I should have gone running or something but … yea.. just being lazy…) Only interesting thing that happened was my little brother called and told me Aubree was sick and stayed home from work. I guess I need to get out of the mindset that she’d call me if she ever stayed home. *heh* She’s been having headaches a lot lately, and so her mom should be taking her to the doctor tomorrow to get them checked on. I’m not sure what’s wrong, but it’s prob stress or something.

As for Aubree… I still don’t know what to do. The only thing I really can do is end it though… I can’t go back to her… And I’m not sure how much longer I can stay here being her friend that just dates her sometimes. “I want it all or nothing at all” kinda thing. I’m not sure I’m strong enough to just end it though. I finally find true love… (Or so I think…) and I don’t think I can just give that up. Even if she doesn’t want to (or can’t, as she say’s) be with me. I just hate seeing her from afar. Wanting to be with her… and knowing she’ll yell at me if I try to hold her. Sometimes it’s just too much to bear… *sigh*

Anyways, I’m still not sure what to do, but I just know that I can’t stop loving her… Even if it does hurt.

I’m going to bed. I need to get a job tomorrow. On a good note, I have been asked to do consultant work for DreamQuest Enterprises and help them install a few servers later this week. Maybe if I get a job so I don’t sit around here and think about Aubree all the time I’ll be better off. Who knows.

And as a last note, I met a cool person on Yahoo today. In a chat room no less. (I didn’t think cool people existed on there.. heh..) Sanguine Angel. She’s goth and lives in Albany, New York.

Well, that’s it for this edition… heh… Oyasumi!
Matt

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Filed under: Uncategorized - @ November 19, 2001 5:44 am