Hoshii wa eien. (I wish for eternity)

Many people wander through life wondering what today will bring that is different from yesterday. And many people are not surprised when they don’t find a change. Time is just a flow of moments… one after another to the gates of eternity. And all life is, honestly, a series of memories. Life is nothing more than a series of events that follow time, and only what you remember is what you consider life. When you start going through a day, and someone asks you what you did and you say nothing… what did you do? Absolutely nothing memorable? Then whats life?
If you asked me what my life has been in the past month, I would answer with details of me rock climbing, meetings my angel, my role playing world I created, My journal, Tanyella, meeting Lacee, hanging out with my friends, and basically, that’s it. While it might sound short and meaningless, it’s me. My friends, they’re who I am and they’re what keeps me going. They’re my memories. They’re me. They’re what keeps my faith so strong in myself, and keep me going, and keeps me from doubting in myself.
I started talking with a new person a couple days ago. Her names Alyssa. She’s pretty cool, but she’s trapped in her cage. Alone and safe in the boundaries of her own creation. Nobody hurts her, and she’s alone. She started making me think about myself. I used to have my walls. And I hated them. I hated being alone in the dark. I grew up alone, parents divorced, having to care for my brothers and sister. So I let myself out. I showed my emotions, and told people what I felt. This journal is another form of letting myself free. My heart is in the hands of those certain people, and I trust them enough to keep it safe for me. She has friends as well, she just needs to let them care for her instead of denying them that. I hope I helped her some, because she has a whole world out there that she hasn’t seen yet. She might get hurt, but she’ll be ok.

And then there is Hailey. My life and my love. Robbie and her broke up, and she’s hurting… I know she is. I can’t explain how, but I can feel her pain in my heart. And while I try my hardest to add my strength, but I’m not sure how much she’ll accept. She’s a really strong girl, I know that. She’ll be ok, I just hope she doesn’t lose her laugh. It’s one thing I would truly miss. Sometimes I wonder what love is, and she shows me. I hope I continue to show her happiness and love as well. I hope things turn out all right. We’ll see.

Still I wait for the future. Still I wait for my angel.


About Matthew Jones

Writer, Programmer, Astronomer, Dreamer, Wisher, Fighter. Always striving to be better than I was.
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