Reflection of the soul

Note: This entry was just a place to do a emotional dump and jumps from idea to idea. More personal thoughts and insight than anything. Just a warning.

I rode my motorcycle to work today. It was nice to get out and ride again. One of the best parts is just getting to think while riding. My commute routine has turned into a small classroom for me. I always have on some podcast, such as Writing Excuses, AstronomyCast, This Week In Tech, Japanesepod101, The Skeptics Guide to the Galaxy, GrammarGirl, Ted Talks, etc. (I’m sure you get the point.) I love listening to these because I always want to be learning new things. Today, while riding, I didn’t listen to anything. Just the wind blowing past my helmet and the hum of the bike. My mind raced as fast as my bike did, and in my mind, I wrote this post a few times over. I’m not sure why I thought of writing on livejournal instead of plotting out my novel, but here I am. Perhaps I just need to put all my thoughts, feelings, and concerns in print. I used to do this almost nightly about 10 years ago when I started my livejournal. (Wow.) I talked to different people, and had a slightly different audience, but the purpose was the same. Open my soul to the world in the hopes that, by reflection perhaps, I can get a glimpse of it and better understand myself. Even if that fails, I always feel relaxed and happy afterward, so the practice continues.
During my marriage to Tina, I stopped writing as much. Part of it was that she didn’t want any part of herself broadcast to the world, and the other part was that I sort of lost the pure wonder and joy of living. I’m sure she’ll make someone else very happy, but we didn’t work well together. Sandra is helping me regain much of what I lost, but she’ll be leaving so very soon and it’ll be up to me to keep the momentum going. We still have a couple months left, so I’ll leave that topic for another day. (Yet knowing how way leads on to way…)
So now I write. I don’t really have a direction for my writing, but it feels good to be putting down something for just myself again. I really need to start making time for this in the future. Even tonight there are a dozen things I wanted to do, with starting the new Wheel of Time book being at the forefront. Instead I write, and perhaps I’m better off for it.

To finish this off, so I still have some time to read before bed, I am looking forward to the future. Some things will change. Some things will be sad. Some will hurt. I’ve dealt with this all in the past, and I’m sure it won’t be any easier this time around, but I’m looking forward to it. I don’t know why I keep smiling, but I do know that I couldn’t imagine a would without someone smiling somewhere.

About Matthew Jones

Writer, Programmer, Astronomer, Dreamer, Wisher, Fighter. Always striving to be better than I was.
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