Solicitation for help

yup, I’m soliciting your help. While I don’t have time to write a ‘real’ journal entry, I was hoping to have people proofread this. I’m still in ALS, and time is really short. (Only a week and a half left though…)

Anyway, since I’m getting my CCAF degree (Air Force stuff) they have a little award program called the Pitsenburger award. (Named after a Medal of Honor recipient.)
Anyway, it’s $500 to the winner. One of the tasks is to write a 1 page narrative. If you have a moment to proofread (I wrote it up quickly since I still have homework to finish for tomorrow) it would be extremely helpful.

Thanks!

Here is the requirement of the paper:

A narrative statement describing your extracurricular activities and explaining their significance must
be submitted with application. Emphasize those activities that indicate leadership, teamwork,
community service, personal development and dedication. Also discuss other distinguishing activities
and academic accomplishments. The narrative should also include undergraduate plans (school, field
of study, admission status, future goals).

And here is my paper:

There are many extracurricular activities I enjoy to participate in. Many of them focus around computers, some around children, and the rest for relaxation. Most of my time is spent in the classroom working towards my Bachelors Degree in Computer Science. The rest of my time is spent with my family, or off exploring the local community.
Since junior high, I’ve always been interested in computers and the many new things we could do with them. This interest led to my enrollment at Campbell University in Computer Science. Currently I am one semester away from my degree with a 3.6 GPA and a spot on the Presidents List. My goal is to continue toward a Doctorate Degree in Computer Security.
Aside from personal development, I am also planning on using this degree and applying to Officer Training School on the next board. I feel this is the best way to advance my personal goals while being able to return something back to the military. I’m looking forward to receiving my commission and to help lead the future leaders of the Air Force.
Outside of school I spend a lot of my spare time helping others. I tutor computer programming to college students every semester. I also tutor elementary and junior high students in mathematics. It’s especially rewarding when you see students really start to understand and you know it was because of you.
I also like to help improve the community. I’ve assisted the Meals on Wheels program to ensure they were able to provide food for elderly and handicapped people. I’ve also assisted the Habitat for Humanity creating new homes to provide a place for low-income families to live.
The majority and perhaps best use of my time is with my family. My wife, Tina Jones, not only gives me the support and motivation to continue to do my best, she also helps pick me up when I fall down. Some of the most memorable moments include walking through the parks, exploring local museums, and visiting the local beaches. She is the reason I look forward to the future and try so hard to make it as bright as possible.
Time is relative, and with all the choices possible for the future, there is never enough time for everything. I try hard to achieve my goals, and ensure I have enough time for others. I understand that my touch on the world will ripple out and effect people I don’t know. I hope that my touch leaves the world better than it was when I came into it, and gives the children of tomorrow hope for the future.

About Matthew Jones

Writer, Programmer, Astronomer, Dreamer, Wisher, Fighter. Always striving to be better than I was.
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